You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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