to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
