how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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