I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
