the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Terrible idea I love it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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