Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
