just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So. Much. Porn.
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