So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
