Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
