just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
