no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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