So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
