When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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