I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
