Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
