even my farts smell like vagina
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your penis caused this!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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