Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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