Pappa wants mamma naked
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
