If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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