I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
