god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
