i already hear my dad disowning me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
