Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.

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  (916): How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids. (1-916): Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions. http://tfl.nu/28ax
  Replies (27) Good night (3937) Bad night (1114)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.

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  (806): My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do. http://tfl.nu/5eg0
  Replies (18) Good night (1167) Bad night (3628)
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  (716): View more from New York

  a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz

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  (716): a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz http://tfl.nu/ffgi
  Replies (39) Good night (7797) Bad night (793)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

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  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (9057) Bad night (1979)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.

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  (609): they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate. http://tfl.nu/wnmg
  Replies (11) Good night (952) Bad night (4974)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?

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  (513): so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned? http://tfl.nu/1jvr
  Replies (5) Good night (1582) Bad night (1802)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes

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  (215): i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes http://tfl.nu/91ws
  Replies (19) Good night (1274) Bad night (2392)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.

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  (720): Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from. http://tfl.nu/0y1z
  Replies (4) Good night (1297) Bad night (514)
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  (530): View more from California

  TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.

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  (530): TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG. http://tfl.nu/gtt9
  Replies (6) Good night (2534) Bad night (841)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.

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  (919): Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday. http://tfl.nu/t5o9
  Replies (2) Good night (944) Bad night (412)
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  (714): View more from California

  The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!

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  (714): The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to! http://tfl.nu/8lua
  Replies (14) Good night (1776) Bad night (552)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?

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  (913): How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex? http://tfl.nu/1k3m
  Replies (0) Good night (509) Bad night (229)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Stop touching yourself.

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???

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  (608): Stop touching yourself. (262): Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera??? http://tfl.nu/6vj4
  Replies (11) Good night (1025) Bad night (372)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco

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  (337): You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco http://tfl.nu/5cvy
  Replies (1) Good night (258) Bad night (424)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.

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  (660): He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/eb59
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (189)

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