are you still at the devil's house?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
