Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.

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  (410): she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby. http://tfl.nu/u78i
  Replies (55) Good night (925) Bad night (6694)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

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  (716): It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it. http://tfl.nu/m8zx
  Replies (13) Good night (5419) Bad night (1482)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night

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  (712): I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night http://tfl.nu/v3fw
  Replies (20) Good night (3905) Bad night (1794)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self

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  (609): She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self http://tfl.nu/w7zw
  Replies (9) Good night (2646) Bad night (997)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.

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  (319): Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again. http://tfl.nu/9aen
  Replies (10) Good night (3724) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.

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  (626): How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans. http://tfl.nu/e33l
  Replies (12) Good night (2726) Bad night (1184)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect

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  (814): Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect http://tfl.nu/4whi
  Replies (4) Good night (5544) Bad night (1072)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.

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  (623): As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know. http://tfl.nu/mc6n
  Replies (8) Good night (2546) Bad night (1026)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.

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  (512): I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun. http://tfl.nu/d4m3
  Replies (21) Good night (2881) Bad night (1075)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.

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  (206): I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house. http://tfl.nu/11j4
  Replies (3) Good night (744) Bad night (1836)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying

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  (515): nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying http://tfl.nu/wg7d
  Replies (3) Good night (1727) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent

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  (623): this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent http://tfl.nu/zc3d
  Replies (6) Good night (519) Bad night (1027)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"

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  (616): We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!" http://tfl.nu/th1o
  Replies (13) Good night (2038) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You can wear anything you want

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  So... Naked it is then

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  (262): You can wear anything you want (704): So... Naked it is then http://tfl.nu/h72c
  Replies (1) Good night (996) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.

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  (518): I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick. http://tfl.nu/fbox
  Replies (0) Good night (485) Bad night (174)

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