I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
