the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss