she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.