my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
