Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
