ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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