The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
