If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Your cock deserves a montage
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
