I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
