Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
