forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
