fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
