There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
