Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
