I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
