You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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