Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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