I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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