Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
