so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
