I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.