Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.