dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.