Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
