worst night to have a conscience
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
