Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
