I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
