then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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