He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
