no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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