but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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