Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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