so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wish I only lived at night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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