Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
