is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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