OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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