if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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