We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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