Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
