So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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