3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
