Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
