Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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