It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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