i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
