Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Randomize