He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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