I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There's always time for handjobs
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Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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