im six kinds of drunk right now
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
